The Quickest Way to Ruin Your Outfit Without Even Knowing

LOOK DOWN. Be honest: Are your pants pockets near-bursting with earphones, keys, the latest iPhone Gigundo? If so, I’m afraid you’re suffering from Bulging Pocket Syndrome (BPS). And the prognosis is fatally unattractive. No other style affliction ruins a guy’s outfit so quickly (or makes walking so uncomfortable). “It comes across as clumsy and clunky,”  said New York stylist Michaela Murray, being kind.

Like a nasty tropical disease, BPS flourishes in summer, when men can’t stash things in coats. I spent hours this July observing active cases on the New York City subway—male riders of all ages who’d jammed their side pockets with enough supplies for a survival course. Himalayan pack donkeys schlep smaller saddle bags. 

Blame tight modern pants. Many styles are designed to carry, well, nothing (let alone ever-bigger-phones). I’d wager BPS has worsened in the past 15 years as men’s pants cuts have clenched and contracted. When constrained, thighs push against items in pockets, causing hernias in the silhouette. And flimsy, stretchy fabrics reveal every item’s contours, resulting in myriad code reds. These days, “You are noticing what’s in a pocket a lot more,” said Jonathan Daniel Pryce, a London photographer who has been shooting street style since 2007. 

Cross-body bags could help, but many guys over 30 find them too young. “No solution is even close to satisfactory,” said one magazine-editor friend, glumly. I think he’s wrong. You can stylishly inoculate yourself against BPS, even in warm weather, with a bit of strategizing and the right pants. I know this as a former victim who’s changed his ways—and who’s spoken to a bunch of other rehabilitated pocket stuffers.

A no-duh starting point: Could you be carting less stuff? Nefaur Khandker, a Brooklyn tech designer obsessed with streamlining his daily load, fobbed off loyalty cards long ago. The 39-year-old keeps just three cards—credit, debit and ID—in a lean wallet. Declutter your key ring to further reduce heft, said Murray. That spare mailroom key can stay at home. 

Do you proudly lug an iPhone the size of an iPad? Downsize it, said Khandker, who loves his puny iPhone 12 Mini. Though discontinued (for now), minis can still be found online. Khandker would scorn my chunky iPhone 13 Pro, but my new phone case might win him over. A tad bulkier than most, the Bellroy design (see below) features slots for three cards. Bye forever, wallet! 

Jettison what you can. Then give your trousers a break and invest in other items that actually hold stuff. Japanese brand Porter-Yoshida & Co (see below) makes cross-body bags that cling handsomely to cool dads’ torsos. Or go for a shirt with generous chest pockets. If the fabric’s an unflimsy Irish linen or sturdy cotton twill, those pockets will accommodate small items without sagging, said Greg Lellouche, founder of e-retailer No Man Walks Alone. Just stick to top pockets, advised Steve Kang, owner of BlackBlue, a menswear store in St. Paul, Minn. Pop a phone in the sort of lower pouch many shirts feature now, and “it weighs the garment down and affects the drape,” he said. 

Which brings us to pants. Unless you’re a free spirit or a tree sprite, you probably wear them, so find pairs whose pockets can host items while maintaining their composure. You needn’t default to cargo pants overwhelmed with patch pockets. Look for wider legs and lower rises, said Murray. Both leave room for generous pockets (in lower-waisted pants, pockets tend to hang further down, where thighs are narrower).

Seek out robust natural fabrics. In warmer months, think cotton twill; in winter, corduroy and moleskin, said Lellouche. His other tip: Keep an eye out for small pockets inside bigger ones; they keep stuff tucked closer to your leg. The outdoorsy pants by Portland, Ore., brand Earth\Studies, for instance, boast inner mesh secrets.

Always test pants’ capacity before buying, as Pryce, the photographer, does. The 35-year-old favors the five-pocket fatigues by British brand P&Co (see below). Svelte yet utilitarian, they save him when he goes out dancing. “In my group I’m like the mom,” he said. “I have all the items: sanitizer, tissues, chewing gum, a lighter.” But since his supply is spread between the sturdy pockets—including a slot hidden behind one knee—he doesn’t feel “weighed down.” Perry Khalil, a New York artist, 27, packs even more into his Carhartt workwear pants. Pencils, Sharpies, a comb, a pocketknife and more are divided between the seven compartments. 

I’ve been saved from BPS by a pair of forest-green, “dropped pocket” Margaret Howell trousers. They have deeper pockets than Gordon Gekko. Those gullets swallow my phone, keys and tube of silicone scar gel without a ripple. “We don’t skimp on pockets,” said Howell, a British designer. “You don’t want your hands to reach the bottom of the pocket before you’ve got them well sunk in.” In her unconstraining, commodious but still sleek pants, my hands barely reach the bottom at all. 

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