Elyse Watches The Bachelorette–S20 E4: Earring Magic Ken

So last week on The Bachelorette there was BS drama between Brayden and Aaron B.

Basically, Brayden (who has never met a chandelier earring he didn’t like) said something about not being able to get engaged to a woman who dated twenty other dudes—WHICH IS THE ENTIRE POINT OF THE SHOW FFS.

Aaron B told Charity this but she didn’t (or the producers didn’t let her) eliminate the guy I cannot help but think of as Earring Magic Ken.

Pudding: Can we move this along? I have tickets to see Barbie.

So when we open, everyone is at a lodge in Washington state.

The first one-on-one goes to Dotun.

Back at the hotel the Aaron B/ Brayden drama continues.

Brayden thinks the fact that he didn’t get sent home means she’s okay with the stuff he said. He also thinks he has a stronger connection with her because he knows her favorite color is blue.

Back on their date, Dotun and Charity are going bungee jumping.

Dotun is clearly super afraid and says, “One of my biggest heights is fears,” in a moment of panic.

Charity doesn’t seem thrilled either; she has tears in her eyes at one point.

Pudding: Can’t they just opt out and go to a local bookstore and coffee shop?

Turns out they like the bungee jumping and go a second time.

Back at the lodge, Brayden bemoans the fact that he only gets to see Charity when she’s “on” AKA in Bachelorette mode.

“Just be off with me for a second,” he complains.

Pudding: Has he never seen this show?

Later, Dotun and Charity make s’mores. He tells her about how he immigrated to America. She tells him that growing up without a lot of Black people around, she became very achievement oriented and felt she had to always be the best.

She gives him the date rose.

The next day a bunch of the dudes meet Charity in the woods for a group date. Three girl scouts (I don’t know if they’re actually Girl Scouts) are there to help the guys learn about strength, bravery and resourcefulness.

Pudding: Well, they’re all gonna fail.

The winner of the challenge gets time with Charity at the kissing tree.

First the dudes have to forage for something to eat in the woods. One of the guys finds a golf ball.

Pudding: Someone is going to eat the wrong mushroom and this will be a short season.

The scouts ask Charity who the smartest of the bunch is, and she replies “Definitely not Brayden.”

Eventually the guys return with food that has been obviously planted.

The scouts are not having “the smelly boys” and Sean makes a comment about how they look so cute, but are in fact little demons.

And I shit you not, one of the girls drops her voice into a gravelly full-on demon voice and it’s perfect. No one has told them to not to fuck with little girls apparently. Dudes are gonna die today.

Then there is a survival quiz. One of those questions is “Who would you eat to survive?”

Everyone picks Brayden.

“You do have a lot of meat, I bet you exercise,” says one of the scouts.

So then they ask how they want this journey with Charity to end, and all of the dudes pick some kind of engagement or lifelong answer, except Brayden who chooses “content.”

Ed. note: I first read that as CONtent, like content for TikTok and Instagram, and didn’t even pause before thinking, yeah, that tracks.

The winner is Aaron B.

During the afterparty the Aaron B and Brayden drama rears it’s head again.

Charity walks in on them fighting. Sean tells her that they don’t understand why Brayden is there if he’s not confident he wants to be engaged. She also learns that he’s packed his bags twice.

I picture him just dramatically tossing his accessories, which are stored in a Kit ‘n Caboodle into his suitcase.

She asks to talk to Brayden privately. He says, “I have been down in the dumps since I got to Washington?”

Pudding: Well boo-fucking-hoo, my friend.

“Why?” she asks.

“All of sudden you’re mad at me for something we talked about. It’s not fun.” he says. “I still have no idea where I sit with you.”

Basically Brayden just wants Charity to pick him right now even though we have weeks left.

Then Brayden says, “I feel like I like you, but I don’t feel like I want to be here.”

So then Charity says she’s going to walk him out, and his mouth drops open like he was expecting her to keep up with his bullshit.

Fuck around and find out, buddy.

Pudding: So do the girl scouts get to eat him now?

Brayden and his earring collection say he feels like Charity just dropped him, and that “the door wasn’t fully shut.”

OMG DUDE. GO HOME.

The group date rose goes to Joey.

The next one-on-one date is with Xavier. They go to a fruit festival in Stevenson, WA and sample local foods.

Charity worries that their relationship is just based on physical attraction. She also says he reminds her of her ex.

During the dinner they aren’t allowed to eat Charity tells him about how her ex cheated on her multiple times and he reassures her that he isn’t like that. He gets the date rose.

So then it’s time for the pre-dreaded rose ceremony cocktail hour and guess who shows back up!

“I didn’t like how I left the other day, I was really emotionally charged and I just wanted to come back and tell you I’m sorry,” Brayden tells Charity. “There’s a lot of things I haven’t been able to tell you, and I wish I had opened open, but I just haven’t been able to trust myself during this process.”

Smells like emotional manipulation to me.

Charity isn’t buying it. “I don’t know if you ever even saw yourself at the end of this with me.”

When she doesn’t ask him to elaborate on his story about being closed off and doesn’t buy into his act, he just sort of stares vacantly.

She dismisses him and he leaves.

But then because we can’t possibly leave it there,  Aaron B insists Brayden apologize to John for interrupting his time with Charity.

THIS IS SO BORING.

“I’m on the chopping block this week, I don’t have a rose on my chest, and because of that I might go home,” John says. “That’s not how you treat a man.”

So then there’s a lot of shouting and Brayden threatens to beat up Aaron B. The word “bro” is shouted like eleventy billion times.

Brayden’s airport shuttle eventually pulls away in a cloud of misplaced testosterone and Axe Body Spray.

Then Jesse comes over to say it’s TIME FOR ROSE MOTHERFUCKERS.

Charity sends home Caleb B, John and Michael.

So are you watching? Do you think Brayden is gone for good?